I am on the cusp of yet another New Year. The clock strikes midnight in precisely 6 hours and 15 minutes and I am basking in a day off from work, dreaming about a better tomorrow. It’s the last day of 2020 and, like everyone else in the world, I am saying good riddance to the year and ushering in the hope of a fresh start for my life & work in the next. I desire to set sail on a new course.

I’ve found myself disappointed and out of sorts.

Mainly because I didn’t set some needed boundaries. One disappointment is that I haven’t written a single blog post this whole year. They were very scant before that, too. Another is that I haven’t promoted my creative juices to “flow”. As an amateur writer, I’ve learned that my writing is best done within the confines of life boundaries. Those boundaries in essence create a sanctuary for my creativity to thrive. Boundaries have not been my strong suit for a while and my creativity has died a tumultuous death since the onslaught of many obligations and struggles.

Plus, this year alone has brought many challenges. My mother spent significant time in the hospital earlier this year. It was my first go at a parent being ill enough for my sister and me to worry. Later in 2020, my father suffered a heart attack, bypass surgery, and related complications.

Also, for the last several months, I have been walking through the valley of the shadow of death in my personal life – a faith walk that I cannot share at this time. I’ve got another family member waiting for their open-heart surgery scheduled next week (they wish to remain anonymous). And last but not least, just recently, I’ve had another suspected miscarriage. No way to confirm it at this point but all of the physical signs were there. We infertiles know our body, do we not?

This is just 2020’s list.

Year 2019 wasn’t as bad but did receive Reserve Champion as the “The Worst Year Ever”.

It’s been far too complicated for far too long and… I want to start over.

This time with firmer boundaries and more intentionality towards my future.

Lifestyle Over Striving

By now, I usually have my goals list in bullet-point, printed, laminated, and taped or tacked somewhere I can see it regularly. But, this year I have no such list. This failure wasn’t intentional but for some reason, it just hasn’t happened. Maybe it’s because 2020 allowed me to experience the consequences of living a self-confident life. A life that is described in James 4:13-16. We truly don’t know what tomorrow will bring and maybe intentional living for me this year should look more spontaneous? More like living a Proverbs 16:9 life instead?

Maybe instead of an ambitious list of random things I want or need to do, I should turn my focus towards sowing better lifestyle choices. Perhaps a more stable quality of life should be the foundational goal that would allow for success in the grander picture.

No point in striving after goals if the tools with which to strive don’t exist.

For me, those tools are physical, mental, & spiritual health, enjoyment of my primary work, and solid relationships. I believe the first step to all of these is to be a little less stringent, unforgiving, and tight-timed; Choosing instead to be a little more flexible, forgiving, and having ample allowance of buffers.

The Lord has taught me that I am not superwoman nor am I indestructible. I’m quite tender actually and simply can’t do it all. The older I get the more this reality comes into view. How arrogant I’ve been to live life as though everything and everyone is my responsibility!

Here are a few general lifestyle choices I will be working on for now. There are plenty of “to-do” items, goals, etc. that are running through my head but I simply refuse to get cracking on them until I get a better foundation built.

Design a Reading Nook

I am entirely too distracted when it comes to quiet time. I’ve been pretty good about working towards daily bible study time but have also learned that if the news gets turned on or I am in the company of people it just doesn’t happen. I need a quiet corner in my home to hide in. So, I will be creating a space just for reading and journaling. I need God, His Truth, His wisdom, His Word. Period.

Fiction & Autobiography for Fun

Every start to the new year is like a bull fresh out of the gate. I am a bookkeeper by day and thus this month brings all the chaos I could imagine. For the next month or two or three, I will read fiction & autobiography as a way to escape. My brain is fried by 5pm and attempting to soak up convicting nonfiction or any other written work that requires brain cells just doesn’t work for me.

My picks for winter 2021 are…

The Return by Nicholas Sparks

This Time Next Year by Sophie Cousens

Good Husbandry by Kristin Kimball

Be Heart Healthy

My dad’s heart surgery as well as having several blood relatives who’ve had open heart surgery has jolted me. I’ve always desired to live a healthy lifestyle – I grow & eat lots of produce, I run, etc. But, I feel it necessary to take it to the next level. Because I generally eat a healthy diet I know one of the greatest enemies to my health is that I’m just not active enough. Full-time desk job. That’s all there is to it. Not much I can do about it at the moment… so, I’ve ordered a standing desk. If I HAVE to be at the desk I mind as well stand. Amirite? I am super excited about this one.

Here is the desk I’ve ordered from Amazon.

I’m also looking at dietary tweaks that promote a healthy heart. Hence, the Mediterranean Diet book and a stash of walnuts. No, I’m not being super stringent about a diet. But, I am looking at different food choices that are proven to promote heart health.

Lastly, I’m also monitoring my heart rate via a running watch to learn how my heart is performing at rest as well as during my runs.