Grieving Til’ The Cows Come Home

Grieving ’til the cows come home. In my opinion, cows naturally don’t really have a home. Their home is wherever forage and water are. Their nature is to graze & move, graze & move. We humans have contained them and that’s the only viable “home” they have; their fenced in pasture. If left to their own instinct, I don’t believe they would stay in one place for long.

Photo Credit: Ashley Duke, Faith Photography

So, that makes this saying tie in nicely to the realities of an infertile myrtle’s constant struggle with grief. She (& He) grieve until the cows come home… which never truly happens.

Early in my struggle when I started realizing that something was seriously wrong, I prayed that God would give me insight into the RELENTLESS grief struggle. I would often wonder why it was that I could lose a loved one, grieve, and then move on still retaining the memories I have with that person. But, this was something I just couldn’t shake?!?! Why?!?!

God gave me my answer. Proverbs 30:15-16 states this:

There are three things that are never satisfied, four that never say, ‘Enough!’:

the grave, the barren womb, land which is never satisfied with water, and fire, which never says, ‘Enough!’

My eyes had been opened and I finally began to understand. This is such an important principle that EVERYONE needs to realize. Not just infertile myrtles and their husbands but those surrounding us, as well. Our grief, pain, emotional roller coaster, inability to overcome… it is all normal. We LITERALLY cannot help it! As much as I have tried, I simply can’t overcome this struggle. At least not alone.

For a few years after finding this verse, I admit I was a mess. I didn’t know how to cope. I didn’t know how to manage life. I became depressed, anxious, and ANGRY. I would recluse myself from the world and my friends. I didn’t want to “go there”. I didn’t want to walk out into the world being bombarded at every second because everyone else had what I didn’t and there was proof that I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it… I was bitter that I was going through this.

But as God does, here comes His grace… like a long-awaited breeze on a hot summer day. Years after finding this verse, God showed me a much deeper message than its cruel face value. He showed me that each of these hardships listed: DEATH, BARRENNESS, DROUGHT, and FIRE were ALL OVERCOME somewhere throughout biblical history. These things are NOT the ending to our story. God can overcome ALL the grief our broken bodies & broken heart can muster up. Nothing is too much for Him who created us.

On that glorious day, when the burden of grief was lifted from my shoulders God laid this on my heart, as noted in my journal on 3/15/2014:

‘The Lord brought me once again to Proverbs 30:15-16 this morning. A passage I mull over from time to time. As I sat crying over this insatiable barrenness of mine He lifted my eyes to Him and spoke a word of encouragement that I had never heard about this single portion in Scripture. With it being such a solemn, depressing verse, I found such joy & peace in seeing & grasping what God has given to me this morning… “Daughter, I did not show you these verses to discourage you. I showed them to you to ENCOURAGE you”.’

These 4 things may say it’s never enough, but God says HE IS ENOUGH!

4 responses

Karen

August 26, 2015

Thank you for taking the time to share your journey. Love you Jill!

Reply
1. Jil Davis
  
  August 26, 2015
  
  Thank you Karen! I am ecstatic to get to serve along side you at RMBC! I love your heart and you have a beautiful family inside and out! Love you!
  
  Reply
Staci

August 26, 2015

As I was reading this my favorite Christian song was on the radio. And it spoke to me more than anything I had read before. I have felt this way (and still do) on many occasions and have always had an issue coping with them. Thanks jily bean

Reply
1. Jil Davis
  
  August 26, 2015
  
  Staci,
  
  This was a MAJOR eye opener for me back when I first came across the verses. On one hand I was relieved because I had closure on the “WHY” I was feeling this way. But on the other hand I was disappointed and confused because I didn’t know where to go from there. I kept praying about it and eventually God showed me the rest of the meaning of the verses. I stopped thinking something was wrong with me and started realizing that God had a plan for this. And still does! The story is NOT over!
  
  My favorite song for this season is Our Hope Endures by Natalie Grant. She was an infertile myrtle too until IVF and then a naturally conceived baby. She struggled just like we do and so a lot of her songs are about her faith during that time. 😀 I didn’t know this until I did some digging so that was another great surprise! That my favorite Christian artist struggled just like me!
  
  God is good all the time!
  
  <3,
  JilyBean :o*
  
  Reply